Mother's Day 2 cents

On Mother's Day, there was a post on my Facebook feed whose title was something about 'nature's best mother'.  The article described a spider who literally feeds her body to her developing babies. This, the article suggested, was an example of excellent mothering.

I take total exception to this idea.  Throwing yourself on the pyre of your family is NOT the definition of a good mother in my mind.   In fact, setting all of yourself aside takes something important away from your family: you!  You have to be a complete and whole person in order to authentically engage with the process of loving your partner, and parenting your children. 

Being a good mother involves a more subtle process than just denying your own life and needs. Instead, the goal of a good mother is becoming whole and complete within herself, in order that she can guide her children to do the same.  Being a good mother doesn't means setting aside your needs, rather it means setting aside all your issues. When you set aside the baggage you carry from your own childhood/life experiences, you are able to see the child in front of you more clearly.  The foggy lens of your own fears and desires is cleaned.  You are then able to be truly present to the child you have been entrusted with by the Universe.

Being a good mother doesn't mean setting aside your needs. It means setting aside your issues and parenting the child you have instead of trying to parent the child you were.