This has been shared by a few friends on Facebook:
http://offbeatmama.com/2012/11/telling-daughters-im-beautiful
I appreciate this mom's conscious effort to speak kindly about herself in service of her daughters. But when I got to the end of the post I felt so very very sad. Why does this woman say, as she tells her children that she is beautiful:
"It's working, a little bit. I've even stopped hating myself, a little bit.
I'll be what they see. They see me through eyes of love. I'd do anything for them, even this."
Where in the doctrine of womanhood is it written that we must all begin to hate ourselves at some point, and then spend our adulthood asking our husbands, "Do I look fat in this?" I reject that narrative completely, and I will not grimace as I lie to my children about how I feel about myself.
I cried when I read that post. After all her brave words, the author told the truth. She hates herself. I'm pained just thinking about it.
This is not a post criticizing one woman for being honest. I think she is brave to tell the truth. And I understand her feeling. I struggled for years with food/body image issues. I remember the day when I decided that my life would no longer be defined that way. I thought to myself, "This struggle is a very very heavy bag to carry. It is using up all my energy just to bring in with me into each day. I can put it down, and use that energy to become someone else, someone I would admire." And I put it down.
That was an act of feminist rebellion. Every time we reject self-loathing, we reject cultural messages that tell us our value is limited to the closeness with which we physically resemble an idealized female form.
Be who you want to be, today. Be a woman you would admire. Do not nitpick yourself, do not dissect your worth as you dissect your body parts, and judge them.
I know this is a challenge. Believe me! I am *once again* working to restore my fitness after a pregnancy. I am *once again* realizing that my own preferred exercise schedule will take a second-chair to my mothering job. And, I am *once again* reminding myself to be gentle and kind in my language towards myself. This is the work it takes to make a human being. And no, I'm not going to sacrifice one moment of happiness in order to 'be skinny' as I recover and readjust from this major life change/achievement/commitment. When I have moments where I doubt if I will ever get back to the level of exercise that makes me happy, I just think back to the moments of birth and I thank myself for doing that amazing thing.
I think it was Peggy O'Mara from Mothering who recently posted something on facebook that said (I paraphrase): remember that the way you talk to your children will become their inner voice. I add my own musings to her thought: imagine the way you talk to YOURSELF would become their inner voice. Or would become the way their future spouse would talk to them.
Work as hard on your relationship with you as you do on any other relationship. Don't spend your whole life with someone who hates you.
