Here is something to listen to, if you'd like, while you read this. Stretch Out and Wait
This idea of living in reality, or in the present moment, is something I grapple with constantly. I was talking with a friend recently about times in a relationship when you aren't receiving the moment because you are carrying feelings from another time into now.
For example, my husband comes home late and distracted and I am mad and feel disrespected and harried...when we finally get the kids to bed and the dinner cleaned up it is late and we've barely spoken and I am still irritated. He tries to kiss me goodnight and instead of turning towards him and saying, "Thank you for being here and being my partner, and being present for our family, and working hard," I sort of shrug him off and go to sleep. That is an example of not receiving the moment - the beauty of the moment - because I am carrying something else into the present. Later, when I am old and he is dead, or when I am dying and he is at my bedside, I will regret wasting those moments. I will never look back and say, "He should have called me all those times to tell me he was going to be late." Instead, I will think, "Why did I let little things keep me from being joyful and loving."
And, in that example, reality as I would define it is that we are getting ready for bed in a peaceful house having both worked hard and he is kissing me. I overlay something when I insist that we are slightly annoyed at one another, or that I am owed some kind of acknowledgement or apology.
I think Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book The Miracle of Mindfulness, says it much better:
"If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not 'washing the dishes to wash the dishes.' What's more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can't wash the dishes, the chances are we won't be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus we are sucked away into the future - and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life."
I don't really have a neat way to bring this thought to conclusion - it really is something I practice constantly. I guess I'll just say that I will let you know how it goes!
Oh and I can't resist adding some of my favorite relevant reading:
The Miracle of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hanh
Buddhism for Mother of Young Children, Sarah Napthali
