I am a total sap, and though it is embarrassing, I can't help loving this song. So do me a favor and listen to it while you read this, or what I'm about to say won't make as much sense.
We had a dance party this summer. We pulled out all the stops: pizza, beer, sparklers, disco ball...the children had a blast dancing with their cousins. At the end of the night I asked my 7-year-old to pick the last song, last dance. She asked me to play this one, and took my hands to dance.
Dancing there, in that moment, in that place, surrounded by family, holding her hands and looking at her sweet face as she sang this song to me...oh my heart. I thought about all the things she will confront, all the moments that will contribute negatively to her sense of self, and of all the things I can't control. Actually, I thought, "I can't protect her, I can just love her." And I cried while we danced.
Like I said, I am a total sap. I cry at songs, and at dance parties. But it wasn't just me being sappy. I was also connecting with the knowledge that we all struggle with; this moment will pass, people will grow up and move on, we can't control it, we can't stop it. We can just take it in, absorb it, be present.
I say this a lot about parenting - we can't control the outcomes but we can contribute meaningfully to the process. So I can't keep her from the challenges people face: getting hurt, being ignored by someone who used to be her friend, sleeping with a boy she should avoid, shying away from a challenge because somewhere she got the idea that success was for someone else. But I can show her I love her, and that I'm grateful I get to be her mom.
And when she fails or screws up, I won't take it as a criticism of my parenting, but rather as a gift that I get to be the person for her who will always be there, and always love her. And when she fails (because we all do), I'll try to see it as a chance to practice being a better version of myself - the version that doesn't think it is all about me, or jump to judgement. I'll try to see it as a chance to teach her how to love.
Somewhere around here I have a speech I wrote for a wedding. In the speech at some point, I urged the bride and groom to do something (be kind towards one another, maybe?) and promised if they did, it would make the benefits of marriage more obvious. The skill of being gentle when you could be harsh is one I have had to practice. Maybe it comes easily to others, but not to me.
So I hoped as I wept looking at my girl, that when it is time to show her gentle love in the hard times I know she will face, that I will be able to. And that it will be a contribution to her ability to love, and be loved.
In the end, when I'm gone and later when she is too, maybe our great-great-grandkids will dance together and cry and be grateful for the chance to love one another. And I won't be here to see it, but a little piece of that goodness will be my legacy.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
First Foods for Baby - my 2 cents
Its almost time to start feeding George solids. He will be four months old at the end of this week. I'm ripening an avocado for him to taste. Wait, not rice? At four months? Avocado? Here's my thinking (and a couple of other people who agree with me):
Rice cereal, though popular, is not healthy for babies. First of all, what ARE those flakes? I give my other kids whole foods but I'm going to give the baby some processed, strange-looking food? That makes no sense. Really, I might as well mash up some white bread and spoon feed it to him. Here is someone else who shares that view:
http://blog.sfgate.com/sfmoms/
I also don't think that waiting until 6 months is a great idea. I know its the current trend, but I think it is more important to look at the baby. If the baby seems hungry, grabs for things, can hold his/her head up, then give it a try. I'm not making this up people, this whole 'waiting until six months' thing is a trend that I think will swing the other way. It's just my instinct, but here is one argument why my gut might be right:
http://news.healingwell.com/
Additionally, for the first food, I'm pretty sure grains don't make sense. I believe we were built for the environment in which we were created. So, pretend I live like 2,000 years ago and I have a hungry 5 month old. Would I boil grains and seeds and mash them and let them cool and give them to my baby with spoon? I don't think I would. I think I would find something already soft, cool, and delicious. An avacado, a banana...its just what my instinct tells me. Then, after the baby was eating successfully (maybe a couple weeks later), I might give the baby some of what I was eating - probably a grainy cereal would start then.
http://baby.about.com/od/
Rice cereal, though popular, is not healthy for babies. First of all, what ARE those flakes? I give my other kids whole foods but I'm going to give the baby some processed, strange-looking food? That makes no sense. Really, I might as well mash up some white bread and spoon feed it to him. Here is someone else who shares that view:
http://blog.sfgate.com/sfmoms/
I also don't think that waiting until 6 months is a great idea. I know its the current trend, but I think it is more important to look at the baby. If the baby seems hungry, grabs for things, can hold his/her head up, then give it a try. I'm not making this up people, this whole 'waiting until six months' thing is a trend that I think will swing the other way. It's just my instinct, but here is one argument why my gut might be right:
http://news.healingwell.com/
Additionally, for the first food, I'm pretty sure grains don't make sense. I believe we were built for the environment in which we were created. So, pretend I live like 2,000 years ago and I have a hungry 5 month old. Would I boil grains and seeds and mash them and let them cool and give them to my baby with spoon? I don't think I would. I think I would find something already soft, cool, and delicious. An avacado, a banana...its just what my instinct tells me. Then, after the baby was eating successfully (maybe a couple weeks later), I might give the baby some of what I was eating - probably a grainy cereal would start then.
http://baby.about.com/od/
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