The 'Self' of our child

Here is another personal opinion of mine on parenting:

To my mind, it is inalterable that parents will infringe on the sense of self of their children.

Many of the tasks assigned to parents require this. For example, there are times when I must substitute my judgement for their own, or when I must make them do things they may judge to be counter to their own true desires (my child wants to stay home and work on an art 'project' about which she is excited, but I make her go to school).

Furthermore, just by being in the role of 'Mom' things I say go to the core of the child - things that should not, but do. So for example I might say, "Please stop humming! I can't take it right now!" My child may absorb that she is annoying, and her humming is an irritation. Were she just a friend and not my child, she might in that moment instead think, "Wow, she is overstimulated!" or "What a bitch! I'll hum if I want!" But as my child, my interpretation of her goes into the central arena of her identity.

So, to ignore this, that we tread on the sense of self of our children, is to put blinders on. My continuing (imperfect) practice is to be in awareness of this. I see that I take up space in their central narrative.

I'll let you know when my kids are teenagers and explain to me everything I did wrong, if my awareness of this had any positive impact!