Uncomfortable Emotions

Tonight at the dinner table we talked about what we do when we feel an emotion we don't like, or aren't proud of.  I liked hearing each child's interpretation of what an uncomfortable emotion might be.  The general theme with the group was jealousy - like when a friend has a toy you want, or your sibling gets something from Santa you were wishing for (Oy!  Didn't know I had made that error!)

My 6 year old boy says when he feels an emotion he isn't proud of, he slaps himself in the face and says, "Snap out of it!" My 8 year old daughter suggested that the best thing to do is just spend more time thinking about the emotion you DO want to feel.  So if your friend has an Xbox and you want one, just think about how happy you are for your friend, and how nice it will be to play with it when you go to her house.  My 11 year old said when she feels those emotions, she just pushes them aside and cries. No solution was perfect, but the conversation was compelling.

I offered them a Buddhist idea: rather than blaming yourself for having a 'bad' emotion, you could see the emotion as a crying baby, and imagine your heart is filled with love for that baby.  Bringing love to the emotion could soothe it. Being angry that you are imperfect doesn't solve the problem, and in fact makes it harder to handle.

The three children looked at their baby brother (no longer a baby at 22 months), and had a shared 'awww' imagining George crying. Then the subject changed, as it does with children.  I let it go, hopeful that these conversations give them something to go back to when they navigate their complex emotional lives.

xo