So, I suggested that she make a mood thermometer. Rating her mood from 1-9 (that range was her suggestion), the top third would be a great, productive mood, the middle third would be a sort of ok to 'blah' mood, and the bottom third would be a sluggish, unproductive, crappy mood.
Then, we would come up with a list for each section of activities in which she could engage that might elevate her mood. For example, doing errands when you are in the bottom third would not likely elevate your mood. However, if you are in the middle third, being productive in that way might actually be cheering.
Further, we would develop a list of activities that are not appropriate to engage in given your mood rating. Obviously, when you are in the bottom third, you really need to avoid complicated marital discussions. Also, trying to cook dinner while talking on the phone in a noisy kitchen is probably not possible when you are in the middle third (maybe that's just me). Get the idea?
It seems simplistic, maybe, but to me being responsible for your own mood, and having the self-awareness to manage it, is worth tackling.
In DBT/CBT, they call that the SUDS scale, the "Subjective Units of Distress Scale." You figure out what kind of body signals and what kind of thoughts go through your mind at each level. For most of us, there is a point at which emotion becomes totally in the drivers seat. If your SUDS get higher than that point, there are a whole host of specific skills to use to get them back down. See, Em! You guys ARE onto something! To me, it's really about the power of observation: if you are able to see yourself, notice what is going on, then you have the power to do a variety of different things to help yourself.
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