Liking Men - Part I

 Some posts are harder to construct than others.  Narrative is challenging, of course, but the construction of it can be simple; tell a story, and tell why it matters.  What I want to talk about in this post is much more complex in my mind.  In fact, it is going to be the first in a series about marriage, men, and feminism. For me, this is laden with hotly debated topics, and deeply engrained roles.  For that reason, I am going to progress as carefully as I can, while still being true to what I intend to communicate.

I’m not going to start at the beginning of this set of ideas.  Rather I am going to start right here, today.  I absolutely love men.  I love so many things about men.  And the man I know best is my husband.  I see shadows of him in men I hear about, read about and see.  And I love those men too.  When I say ‘love’ I mean that I feel a deep appreciation and gratitude for these people, and for what their ‘maleness’ brings into the world. 

Every man is different, and there are innumerable ways to exist as a man in this world.  Gender is a performance, and one does not even need to be biologically male to perform as a male in society.  Even with all the variety, we all have a sense of what might be uniquely male.  Who said that thing about pornography?  I can’t define it but I know it when I see it. I feel that way about maleness.

So why bother talking about this?  Because I have a growing sense that positive things that are uniquely male are not generally commented on, or appreciated.  I was struck most recently by this during the coverage of that horrible shooting in that movie theater in Aurora.  Twelve people died that day.  FOUR of them were men shielding a woman they knew.  Four men shielded a woman beside them and died. 

I asked my husband about his own instinct.  He said OF COURSE he would try to protect me in a violent situation.  When I asked him how he knows that, he asked me if I would protect our children at the risk of my own life.  Without a doubt, I know that I would.  He claims it is the same instinct.

This takes my breath away.  In his heart, he believes he would jump in front of a bullet for me.  Without question.  I’m overwhelmed just thinking about it.  Those men in that theater did that that day.  Just regular guys at a movie.  Not soldiers, not police officers.  Just dudes at a movie.  There is something about maleness that is heroic and selfless.  Thank God for men.