So little Georgie is now almost 6 months old (!) and his needs have changed a lot. I am amazed EVERYDAY at how much less intensive it is to manage the fourth baby than it was the first. For me, the learning curve was so steep - it made the experience very intense. Luckily, this little guy has a sunny disposition and especially loves watching his siblings, so this has truly been a pleasure. My mother told me I'm not allowed to say this, but honestly I recommend having a fourth baby! (Please, no one have a baby purely on my recommendation, ok??)
Ok so, gear...here are the items that I would recommend once the newborn days are behind you:
EATING
My favorite high chair - it attaches to the table so baby is really part of the dinner table. His contributions to the conversation are adorable and eating is, after all, a social occasion.
Teething biscuits - while learning how to eat from a spoon, it is much more fun for baby to also be holding something delicious.
A self-feeder - this is like a revelation for George. Eating from the spoon SERIOUSLY annoys him. Being able to hold this and eat this way has made him much happier. I had to cut him off at half a banana this morning.
Bibs - these are the burp cloths I have already been using for George and I love them as bibs, too. I have 6 and am considering ordering more. They are that good.
PLAYING
An exersaucer - I actually don't have a specific recommendation here. I got mine from a generous friend (thank you BBK). But having a safe place to put the baby where he is upright is amazing. He's rolling all around and starting to rock on all fours - crawling is not far behind - so putting him in the exersaucer frees me up to do other things for a few minutes. And I'd like to add that those things are not always housework! It's important to take the time to make yourself lunch, or take a shower. This is the time where you can mitigate the feeling that you never have time to take care of yourself! (PS - I LOVED a door jumper with my first two, but my current house doesn't accommodate one. It is more active than the exersaucer and super fun! I'd have one if I could)
A playmat - again, I don't think it really matters which one. I got mine for $5 from craigslist. And actually, this is a little late - we started using it at about 5 weeks. But George still likes to roll around on it and play with his toys.
A great stroller - with my first it took me awhile to realize that if I was feeling cooped-up and bored, she probably was too. Save money on the short-term items, and items that are easily gotten from craigslist in great condition (snap n go, exersaucer, playmat, door jumper, baby bjorn) and get a really great stroller. Often these can come from craigslist as well, but really make sure it is in fantastic condition. This is one of the few items that I use everyday for three years. Comfortable handles, easy steering, quality wheels, a decent basket, lying flat for long naps, an excellent sun shade...these are all important aspects to a good stroller. The city mini is fantastic, and now it comes in great colors.
A baby DVD - moving lights and colors are mesmerizing. Sometimes George likes to play with toys (read: put a toy in his mouth and drool a lot), chill out, and look at leaves outside. Sometimes he does this while watching his mobile go around. And sometimes he does this while watching a video. 'Baby Einstein' won't make him smarter, nor will it make him dumber. It's just something to look at. And seriously, those baby movies are quite relaxing. Its a good time for me to catch a 5 minute snooze.
Some MUSIC to dance around to is also super important. Listen to your faves, or make a Stevie Wonder Pandora station (seriously, great music all day long). Just pick up that baby and dance and sing. Movement is important for babies brains to develop.
Books - it is definitely not too early to lie back and read, if you aren't already. Before bed, or anytime. I loved these baby signs books, and they helped lead us to very successful baby signing with all three of the older kids.
CARRYING
If you haven't fallen in love with a baby carrier yet, my favorites remain the baby bjorn, and the new native carrier. There is nothing worse then getting to an outing and realizing that I have no carrier with me (well, maybe no diapers or wipes would be worse). I can take great care of George while managing the other kids if I can securely attach him to me. So, the new native is so simple and slim, it lives in the diaper bag. The bjorn often gets left behind when I'm already loaded down as I walk out the door.
Since I had my first 10 years ago, this 'active' bjorn has come out (ha! It could be like 8 years old for all I know). Anyway, thanks to M&EC for this amazing item. The original baby bjorn should just retire. The active carrier is a million times more comfortable. I was lucky enough to get a hand me down, but if you aren't, I really think this upgrade is worth the cost differential.
I also have a mei tai style carrier. They don't make the one I have, but the one I linked is similar. The advantage to this is that I can put Georgie on my back and get to work. My husband uses this one a lot.
CONFIDENCE
This part of the post is really for at-home moms. I can't speak to the challenges of working full-time and taking care of a baby, because I've never done it. So, if you are a mom who works out of the house full-time, this section might not apply to you.
If you are a mom at home, this post-newborn period is when you settle in and realize that this is your new life. This is true even for me the 4th time around. I'm realizing that getting to the gym, for example, is suddenly super difficult. Years of weekly yoga classes have come to a complete stop, and I haven't gotten my haircut since July. There is nothing that seems more important than attending to the needs of this baby, and then the other kids. I'm happy to do it but it takes some adjusting.
So what I have to offer is this: feel confident. Whatever you do each day, if you have enjoyed and cared for your baby, you are doing a great job. Seriously, you will not be on your deathbed wishing the house had been neater, or you had cooked a more elaborate dinner. Nor will you remember that you had roots and a chipping pedicure for a year. When the baby goes down for a snooze, take 5 minutes each day to brush your hair, take a few deep breaths, feel the gratitude that comes with the incredible gift of a baby, and tell yourself, "I am doing a great job. I'm a really good mom." Corny? Maybe. But reading all the stupid 'mommy--wars' baloney lets me know that the anxiety about doing a good job is real. Imagine if you just let yourself believe that you are good at this. And, if you aren't great at it, you are working hard at learning. One more note, that deathbed thing? You might wish you had connected with your partner more. When you are at home full-time it is easy to feel like NO ONE else can care for your baby. But if you have a partner, let him or her take charge of the baby too. They have to develop their own special relationship. And, presumably you picked that person for a reason. Let that relationship flourish in its own imperfect way.
My sister says, "All my kids have are my instincts. If I don't follow them, they have nothing." So, when your gut tells you to pick up your crying baby, do it. When your gut tells you the baby could cry for a few minutes, then fall asleep, do it. Don't worry about being an 'attachment parent' or a 'cry-it-out' parent...or any other 'type' of parent. You are the primary caretaker of that baby, and your instincts are MADE for that baby. Use them and trust them.
PEOPLE
My husband thought I should add siblings to the list of great baby gear. He is right - siblings are great for babies. If you don't have siblings handy, get over to story hour at the library, make dates to hang with cousins, or meet up with a friend who has older children. Watching older kids talk and play is amazing for babies, and super fun to watch.
Also, if you are lucky enough to have grandparents nearby, let them have your baby for an hour or two. Like partners, grandparents need time to develop their connection with, and knowledge of, your baby. I see that as once of the parenting big-rocks - stewarding family relationships for your baby. I love my grandparents (we still have TWO great grandmothers in our lives!), and I want that love for my kids.
If you are still reading, I'm amazed! That was a long post with a good dose my theories mixed into a practical list. I hope it is helpful!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Camping with the kids - why bother?
Everything we do, as a family, is a ton of work. Four kids ages 10 thru 5 months do not make moving around simple. All parents know how a baby can make it tough to go at a moment's notice (coordinating baby's schedule, packing the diaper bag...did you remember the bjorn??), but the older kids require preparation as well. You can't just tell a group of people, "Lets go NOW" and not expect some resistance. People have their own ideas about the day, after all. Plus, a surprise outing may require an outfit change (Ms. 7-year-old, I'm looking at you!)
So, given this, you might question my commitment to take our kids camping. Even our beloved camping companions said to me on our recent trip, "I'm glad you guys are here but honestly I think you are a little nuts!" So whats the payoff?
Well for me the payoff has three main components. The first is my husband. He works in business, in an office, and has for years. But he started as a field-geologist, and before that was a naturalist at heart. He is most himself when he is walking in the woods, noticing. He pays attention to the trees, the rocks, the tracks on the path. He sees things I would never see. I am engrossed with the people, and the weather. But he can stop and tell me signs of how nature, and the world, work. I joke with him about it sometimes when he stops as I try to move the group ahead, saying something like, "Is it more strata??" But honestly, I love it. And I deeply love giving him opportunities to share this gift with our children. Love. I mean like validate-the-marriage-and-life-together kind of love. So that's worth packing a cooler for, isn't it?
The second component is what I call "The Group". In my mind, a big part of my job as a parent is to make sure my children have a sense of what it means to belong to a community. I don't mean volunteering at a soup kitchen (though that would be a great thing to do as well). I mean doing the work, pitching in, participating, making sure everyone has at least most of their needs met, and not taking the last marshmallow. It would delight me if someday I heard from their college friends that my kids make great roommates. Actually, I say that often about my husband, that he is a great roommate. People don't always think about that when picking a mate, but being a good roommate is really important in marriage. So, for me camping has this kind of lesson in abundance. If you wear your shoes into the tent, we are all going to be dirty. If you don't stake down your side of the tarp, we are all going to be wet. You get the idea. Its a parenting big rock for me, and camping gives me the perfect setting.
Actually, that is a perfect segue to the last big reason I love camping. It IS a great setting for my husband, and for my kids. And because of this, a lot seems to happen around me, without me constantly pushing, or orchestrating. So, I'm like a crazy person all week writing lists and doing laundry and packing clothing. But once we get there, my husband is like a camping guide, and the kids are participating and paying him rapt attention. And what am I doing? Enjoying the view.
So, given this, you might question my commitment to take our kids camping. Even our beloved camping companions said to me on our recent trip, "I'm glad you guys are here but honestly I think you are a little nuts!" So whats the payoff?
Well for me the payoff has three main components. The first is my husband. He works in business, in an office, and has for years. But he started as a field-geologist, and before that was a naturalist at heart. He is most himself when he is walking in the woods, noticing. He pays attention to the trees, the rocks, the tracks on the path. He sees things I would never see. I am engrossed with the people, and the weather. But he can stop and tell me signs of how nature, and the world, work. I joke with him about it sometimes when he stops as I try to move the group ahead, saying something like, "Is it more strata??" But honestly, I love it. And I deeply love giving him opportunities to share this gift with our children. Love. I mean like validate-the-marriage-and-life-together kind of love. So that's worth packing a cooler for, isn't it?
The second component is what I call "The Group". In my mind, a big part of my job as a parent is to make sure my children have a sense of what it means to belong to a community. I don't mean volunteering at a soup kitchen (though that would be a great thing to do as well). I mean doing the work, pitching in, participating, making sure everyone has at least most of their needs met, and not taking the last marshmallow. It would delight me if someday I heard from their college friends that my kids make great roommates. Actually, I say that often about my husband, that he is a great roommate. People don't always think about that when picking a mate, but being a good roommate is really important in marriage. So, for me camping has this kind of lesson in abundance. If you wear your shoes into the tent, we are all going to be dirty. If you don't stake down your side of the tarp, we are all going to be wet. You get the idea. Its a parenting big rock for me, and camping gives me the perfect setting.
Actually, that is a perfect segue to the last big reason I love camping. It IS a great setting for my husband, and for my kids. And because of this, a lot seems to happen around me, without me constantly pushing, or orchestrating. So, I'm like a crazy person all week writing lists and doing laundry and packing clothing. But once we get there, my husband is like a camping guide, and the kids are participating and paying him rapt attention. And what am I doing? Enjoying the view.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
I'm not here to make you happy
I was hanging out with my sister and her friend. The friend was dealing with her child who was, in that moment, not easy to please. When the friend returned to the adult conversation she said something about how hard it was to make kids happy. I laughed a little and said, "Oh boy, that's not my job! I'm not trying to make my kids happy!" The friend, I think, thought I was joking.
Who wouldn't want their kids to be happy? Well, I DO want them to be happy. I just don't think I'm the person responsible for making that happen. I think it is my job to teach them how to make themselves happy. So when they are fussing over some small thing, I don't see that as an opportunity for me to make them happy. I see that as a chance for them to learn how to make themselves happy. And if they need help with that challenge, I'm there to do that. But I'm not there to convince them that their unhappiness, or dissatisfaction, is somehow my responsibility. Because, in truth, we are each responsible for finding our own happiness. Growing up believing that IF ONLY someone ELSE would do just the right thing, you would be happy is, I believe, disabling. And, I feel that when I show them the way, and they do it themselves, they are building self confidence, and a sense that I believe in them. I'm not looking at them anxiously trying to make them happy, I'm looking at them saying, "I know you can do this."
I'm not saying I'm, like, watching my kids be miserable and just waiting for them to figure it out. I am doing everything I can to teach them paths towards happiness. Writing this blog made me make a list of the ways in which I think I do this:
1) We talk a lot about the world and about their place in it. We don't talk, as a family, about all the things we don't have, or can't afford. Instead we talk A LOT about all the things we DO have, for which we are very lucky. And we take time every night to sing a little song of grace and thanks.
2) When they are really stressed and talking quickly in a high pitched voice about things that they are super upset about, together we take some really deep breaths. Breathing can make things seem much more manageable.
3) When they are agitated at night I remind them that, "These are not problems a tired brain should try to solve."
4) When they begin picking fights with one another, we talk about two important things: a. tone can create outcomes and b. this is a lifelong relationship which, thankfully, one fight will not break
5) I encourage them to think about the energies in their bodies, and their contribution to those energies
6) We talk about everything in terms of choices. So I might say, "You can choose to spend the last 15 minutes before bed sulking and whining, or you can choose to spend it playing a game with your siblings." Either way, I'm going to play the game, not sit and listen to the pouting child. There are two reasons for that: a. I'm modeling how to make the better choice and b. the children who are making the better choice should not miss out on fun time with me because one person has her 'knickers in a bunch' (thanks S.H.W. for that phrase!)
7)We talk a lot about taking turns. So when everyone says, "I don't want to go to...(fill in anyplace!)" I might say, "Ok, I hear that you don't want to go but this outing is not about you. It is so-and-so's turn for an outing and she/he went when it was your turn to get shoes/get a haircut/drive you to your lesson/whatever, and now it is her/his turn to get what he/she needs. You don't have to WANT to go on this outing, but you do have to go."
8) We have been searching for (and *maybe* finally found) a spiritual community in which we will participate as a family.
OK, I'm reading this list and it really sounds like I think I have it all sorted out. That's funny, because that is certainly not how I feel. But I guess there are a few...well maybe eight...things I think I am doing right.
Who wouldn't want their kids to be happy? Well, I DO want them to be happy. I just don't think I'm the person responsible for making that happen. I think it is my job to teach them how to make themselves happy. So when they are fussing over some small thing, I don't see that as an opportunity for me to make them happy. I see that as a chance for them to learn how to make themselves happy. And if they need help with that challenge, I'm there to do that. But I'm not there to convince them that their unhappiness, or dissatisfaction, is somehow my responsibility. Because, in truth, we are each responsible for finding our own happiness. Growing up believing that IF ONLY someone ELSE would do just the right thing, you would be happy is, I believe, disabling. And, I feel that when I show them the way, and they do it themselves, they are building self confidence, and a sense that I believe in them. I'm not looking at them anxiously trying to make them happy, I'm looking at them saying, "I know you can do this."
I'm not saying I'm, like, watching my kids be miserable and just waiting for them to figure it out. I am doing everything I can to teach them paths towards happiness. Writing this blog made me make a list of the ways in which I think I do this:
1) We talk a lot about the world and about their place in it. We don't talk, as a family, about all the things we don't have, or can't afford. Instead we talk A LOT about all the things we DO have, for which we are very lucky. And we take time every night to sing a little song of grace and thanks.
2) When they are really stressed and talking quickly in a high pitched voice about things that they are super upset about, together we take some really deep breaths. Breathing can make things seem much more manageable.
3) When they are agitated at night I remind them that, "These are not problems a tired brain should try to solve."
4) When they begin picking fights with one another, we talk about two important things: a. tone can create outcomes and b. this is a lifelong relationship which, thankfully, one fight will not break
5) I encourage them to think about the energies in their bodies, and their contribution to those energies
6) We talk about everything in terms of choices. So I might say, "You can choose to spend the last 15 minutes before bed sulking and whining, or you can choose to spend it playing a game with your siblings." Either way, I'm going to play the game, not sit and listen to the pouting child. There are two reasons for that: a. I'm modeling how to make the better choice and b. the children who are making the better choice should not miss out on fun time with me because one person has her 'knickers in a bunch' (thanks S.H.W. for that phrase!)
7)We talk a lot about taking turns. So when everyone says, "I don't want to go to...(fill in anyplace!)" I might say, "Ok, I hear that you don't want to go but this outing is not about you. It is so-and-so's turn for an outing and she/he went when it was your turn to get shoes/get a haircut/drive you to your lesson/whatever, and now it is her/his turn to get what he/she needs. You don't have to WANT to go on this outing, but you do have to go."
8) We have been searching for (and *maybe* finally found) a spiritual community in which we will participate as a family.
OK, I'm reading this list and it really sounds like I think I have it all sorted out. That's funny, because that is certainly not how I feel. But I guess there are a few...well maybe eight...things I think I am doing right.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Living In Reality
Here is something to listen to, if you'd like, while you read this. Stretch Out and Wait
This idea of living in reality, or in the present moment, is something I grapple with constantly. I was talking with a friend recently about times in a relationship when you aren't receiving the moment because you are carrying feelings from another time into now.
For example, my husband comes home late and distracted and I am mad and feel disrespected and harried...when we finally get the kids to bed and the dinner cleaned up it is late and we've barely spoken and I am still irritated. He tries to kiss me goodnight and instead of turning towards him and saying, "Thank you for being here and being my partner, and being present for our family, and working hard," I sort of shrug him off and go to sleep. That is an example of not receiving the moment - the beauty of the moment - because I am carrying something else into the present. Later, when I am old and he is dead, or when I am dying and he is at my bedside, I will regret wasting those moments. I will never look back and say, "He should have called me all those times to tell me he was going to be late." Instead, I will think, "Why did I let little things keep me from being joyful and loving."
And, in that example, reality as I would define it is that we are getting ready for bed in a peaceful house having both worked hard and he is kissing me. I overlay something when I insist that we are slightly annoyed at one another, or that I am owed some kind of acknowledgement or apology.
I think Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book The Miracle of Mindfulness, says it much better:
"If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not 'washing the dishes to wash the dishes.' What's more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can't wash the dishes, the chances are we won't be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus we are sucked away into the future - and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life."
I don't really have a neat way to bring this thought to conclusion - it really is something I practice constantly. I guess I'll just say that I will let you know how it goes!
Oh and I can't resist adding some of my favorite relevant reading:
The Miracle of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hanh
Buddhism for Mother of Young Children, Sarah Napthali
This idea of living in reality, or in the present moment, is something I grapple with constantly. I was talking with a friend recently about times in a relationship when you aren't receiving the moment because you are carrying feelings from another time into now.
For example, my husband comes home late and distracted and I am mad and feel disrespected and harried...when we finally get the kids to bed and the dinner cleaned up it is late and we've barely spoken and I am still irritated. He tries to kiss me goodnight and instead of turning towards him and saying, "Thank you for being here and being my partner, and being present for our family, and working hard," I sort of shrug him off and go to sleep. That is an example of not receiving the moment - the beauty of the moment - because I am carrying something else into the present. Later, when I am old and he is dead, or when I am dying and he is at my bedside, I will regret wasting those moments. I will never look back and say, "He should have called me all those times to tell me he was going to be late." Instead, I will think, "Why did I let little things keep me from being joyful and loving."
And, in that example, reality as I would define it is that we are getting ready for bed in a peaceful house having both worked hard and he is kissing me. I overlay something when I insist that we are slightly annoyed at one another, or that I am owed some kind of acknowledgement or apology.
I think Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book The Miracle of Mindfulness, says it much better:
"If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not 'washing the dishes to wash the dishes.' What's more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can't wash the dishes, the chances are we won't be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus we are sucked away into the future - and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life."
I don't really have a neat way to bring this thought to conclusion - it really is something I practice constantly. I guess I'll just say that I will let you know how it goes!
Oh and I can't resist adding some of my favorite relevant reading:
The Miracle of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hanh
Buddhism for Mother of Young Children, Sarah Napthali
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Today is your day, so be gentle
I am a total sap, and though it is embarrassing, I can't help loving this song. So do me a favor and listen to it while you read this, or what I'm about to say won't make as much sense.
We had a dance party this summer. We pulled out all the stops: pizza, beer, sparklers, disco ball...the children had a blast dancing with their cousins. At the end of the night I asked my 7-year-old to pick the last song, last dance. She asked me to play this one, and took my hands to dance.
Dancing there, in that moment, in that place, surrounded by family, holding her hands and looking at her sweet face as she sang this song to me...oh my heart. I thought about all the things she will confront, all the moments that will contribute negatively to her sense of self, and of all the things I can't control. Actually, I thought, "I can't protect her, I can just love her." And I cried while we danced.
Like I said, I am a total sap. I cry at songs, and at dance parties. But it wasn't just me being sappy. I was also connecting with the knowledge that we all struggle with; this moment will pass, people will grow up and move on, we can't control it, we can't stop it. We can just take it in, absorb it, be present.
I say this a lot about parenting - we can't control the outcomes but we can contribute meaningfully to the process. So I can't keep her from the challenges people face: getting hurt, being ignored by someone who used to be her friend, sleeping with a boy she should avoid, shying away from a challenge because somewhere she got the idea that success was for someone else. But I can show her I love her, and that I'm grateful I get to be her mom.
And when she fails or screws up, I won't take it as a criticism of my parenting, but rather as a gift that I get to be the person for her who will always be there, and always love her. And when she fails (because we all do), I'll try to see it as a chance to practice being a better version of myself - the version that doesn't think it is all about me, or jump to judgement. I'll try to see it as a chance to teach her how to love.
Somewhere around here I have a speech I wrote for a wedding. In the speech at some point, I urged the bride and groom to do something (be kind towards one another, maybe?) and promised if they did, it would make the benefits of marriage more obvious. The skill of being gentle when you could be harsh is one I have had to practice. Maybe it comes easily to others, but not to me.
So I hoped as I wept looking at my girl, that when it is time to show her gentle love in the hard times I know she will face, that I will be able to. And that it will be a contribution to her ability to love, and be loved.
In the end, when I'm gone and later when she is too, maybe our great-great-grandkids will dance together and cry and be grateful for the chance to love one another. And I won't be here to see it, but a little piece of that goodness will be my legacy.
We had a dance party this summer. We pulled out all the stops: pizza, beer, sparklers, disco ball...the children had a blast dancing with their cousins. At the end of the night I asked my 7-year-old to pick the last song, last dance. She asked me to play this one, and took my hands to dance.
Dancing there, in that moment, in that place, surrounded by family, holding her hands and looking at her sweet face as she sang this song to me...oh my heart. I thought about all the things she will confront, all the moments that will contribute negatively to her sense of self, and of all the things I can't control. Actually, I thought, "I can't protect her, I can just love her." And I cried while we danced.
Like I said, I am a total sap. I cry at songs, and at dance parties. But it wasn't just me being sappy. I was also connecting with the knowledge that we all struggle with; this moment will pass, people will grow up and move on, we can't control it, we can't stop it. We can just take it in, absorb it, be present.
I say this a lot about parenting - we can't control the outcomes but we can contribute meaningfully to the process. So I can't keep her from the challenges people face: getting hurt, being ignored by someone who used to be her friend, sleeping with a boy she should avoid, shying away from a challenge because somewhere she got the idea that success was for someone else. But I can show her I love her, and that I'm grateful I get to be her mom.
And when she fails or screws up, I won't take it as a criticism of my parenting, but rather as a gift that I get to be the person for her who will always be there, and always love her. And when she fails (because we all do), I'll try to see it as a chance to practice being a better version of myself - the version that doesn't think it is all about me, or jump to judgement. I'll try to see it as a chance to teach her how to love.
Somewhere around here I have a speech I wrote for a wedding. In the speech at some point, I urged the bride and groom to do something (be kind towards one another, maybe?) and promised if they did, it would make the benefits of marriage more obvious. The skill of being gentle when you could be harsh is one I have had to practice. Maybe it comes easily to others, but not to me.
So I hoped as I wept looking at my girl, that when it is time to show her gentle love in the hard times I know she will face, that I will be able to. And that it will be a contribution to her ability to love, and be loved.
In the end, when I'm gone and later when she is too, maybe our great-great-grandkids will dance together and cry and be grateful for the chance to love one another. And I won't be here to see it, but a little piece of that goodness will be my legacy.
First Foods for Baby - my 2 cents
Its almost time to start feeding George solids. He will be four months old at the end of this week. I'm ripening an avocado for him to taste. Wait, not rice? At four months? Avocado? Here's my thinking (and a couple of other people who agree with me):
Rice cereal, though popular, is not healthy for babies. First of all, what ARE those flakes? I give my other kids whole foods but I'm going to give the baby some processed, strange-looking food? That makes no sense. Really, I might as well mash up some white bread and spoon feed it to him. Here is someone else who shares that view:
http://blog.sfgate.com/sfmoms/
I also don't think that waiting until 6 months is a great idea. I know its the current trend, but I think it is more important to look at the baby. If the baby seems hungry, grabs for things, can hold his/her head up, then give it a try. I'm not making this up people, this whole 'waiting until six months' thing is a trend that I think will swing the other way. It's just my instinct, but here is one argument why my gut might be right:
http://news.healingwell.com/
Additionally, for the first food, I'm pretty sure grains don't make sense. I believe we were built for the environment in which we were created. So, pretend I live like 2,000 years ago and I have a hungry 5 month old. Would I boil grains and seeds and mash them and let them cool and give them to my baby with spoon? I don't think I would. I think I would find something already soft, cool, and delicious. An avacado, a banana...its just what my instinct tells me. Then, after the baby was eating successfully (maybe a couple weeks later), I might give the baby some of what I was eating - probably a grainy cereal would start then.
http://baby.about.com/od/
Rice cereal, though popular, is not healthy for babies. First of all, what ARE those flakes? I give my other kids whole foods but I'm going to give the baby some processed, strange-looking food? That makes no sense. Really, I might as well mash up some white bread and spoon feed it to him. Here is someone else who shares that view:
http://blog.sfgate.com/sfmoms/
I also don't think that waiting until 6 months is a great idea. I know its the current trend, but I think it is more important to look at the baby. If the baby seems hungry, grabs for things, can hold his/her head up, then give it a try. I'm not making this up people, this whole 'waiting until six months' thing is a trend that I think will swing the other way. It's just my instinct, but here is one argument why my gut might be right:
http://news.healingwell.com/
Additionally, for the first food, I'm pretty sure grains don't make sense. I believe we were built for the environment in which we were created. So, pretend I live like 2,000 years ago and I have a hungry 5 month old. Would I boil grains and seeds and mash them and let them cool and give them to my baby with spoon? I don't think I would. I think I would find something already soft, cool, and delicious. An avacado, a banana...its just what my instinct tells me. Then, after the baby was eating successfully (maybe a couple weeks later), I might give the baby some of what I was eating - probably a grainy cereal would start then.
http://baby.about.com/od/
Thursday, July 19, 2012
New Baby - What to Buy/Borrow
No matter how minimalist you want to be, there are going to be lots of things purchased/borrowed/gathered for a new baby. Since I had gotten rid of everything, I had to do it all again for George. Some items are not used for long and are easily gotten off of craigslist (bouncer chair, playmat, snap n go).
New Native Sling (any simple sling will work)
Diaper Pail (must have a lid and a foot lever)
Diaper Covers (this is if you are going to use cloth)
Crib (and sheets and bumper)
Mobile (forget color coordinating with your room - get a super interesting one! I like this one.)
Stroller (I abhor stroller systems! Get a good quality stroller that fits in your car and is easy to push. I have the
City Mini, and a Maclaren in my car.)
Infant Car Seat
Snap n Go Stroller (Don't doubt me on this one. You don't need a giant stroller system. This Snap n Go is awesome, light, and a must-have for the first 3 months.)
Swaddling Blankets
Sleep Sound (sound machine)
diaper bag
Dresser/changing table
Baby Bath (I loved my Spa Baby but some people thought I was bonkers. If you don't like the look of it, consider this ramp)
Baby wash/oil (Forget anything that isn't all natural. Babies don't need to be slathered in chemicals!)
Diapers (We preferred cloth for the first three months. I washed my own with one of my kids. I highly recommend NOT doing that! Use a service.)
Wipes (Again, as natural as possible! And, for the first 6 weeks, just use little washcloths and warm water.)
Baby Book (Write down some of those milestones!)
Baby Monitor (My cousin got me a video monitor with my 4th child. It is fabulous!)
Burp Cloths
The Happiest Baby on the Block Book
Dr. Spock Baby and Childcare Book
Glamormom nursing tank tops
Nursing Pillow (Honestly, I have no idea why the Boppy is popular. It stinks. Go with the BreastFriend nursing pillow. It is awesome)
Upholstered glider
exercise ball (I have no idea how new parents live without one of these! Babies love the bouncing motion and mom or dad can 'sit' while soothing the baby)
0-3 months onesies and pajamas
This is the list I developed:
Baby Bjorn (best after first 8 to 12 weeks)
New Native Sling (any simple sling will work)
Diaper Pail (must have a lid and a foot lever)
Diaper Covers (this is if you are going to use cloth)
Crib (and sheets and bumper)
Mobile (forget color coordinating with your room - get a super interesting one! I like this one.)
Stroller (I abhor stroller systems! Get a good quality stroller that fits in your car and is easy to push. I have the
City Mini, and a Maclaren in my car.)
Infant Car Seat
Snap n Go Stroller (Don't doubt me on this one. You don't need a giant stroller system. This Snap n Go is awesome, light, and a must-have for the first 3 months.)
Swaddling Blankets
Sleep Sound (sound machine)
diaper bag
Dresser/changing table
Baby Bath (I loved my Spa Baby but some people thought I was bonkers. If you don't like the look of it, consider this ramp)
Baby wash/oil (Forget anything that isn't all natural. Babies don't need to be slathered in chemicals!)
Diapers (We preferred cloth for the first three months. I washed my own with one of my kids. I highly recommend NOT doing that! Use a service.)
Wipes (Again, as natural as possible! And, for the first 6 weeks, just use little washcloths and warm water.)
Baby Book (Write down some of those milestones!)
Baby Monitor (My cousin got me a video monitor with my 4th child. It is fabulous!)
Burp Cloths
The Happiest Baby on the Block Book
Dr. Spock Baby and Childcare Book
Glamormom nursing tank tops
Nursing Pillow (Honestly, I have no idea why the Boppy is popular. It stinks. Go with the BreastFriend nursing pillow. It is awesome)
Upholstered glider
exercise ball (I have no idea how new parents live without one of these! Babies love the bouncing motion and mom or dad can 'sit' while soothing the baby)
0-3 months onesies and pajamas
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